1 unstable; characterized by a tendency to change or be altered or modified.
2 (in psychiatry) characterized by rapidly shifting or changing emotions.
(Mosby's Medical Dictionary, 8th edition. © 2009, Elsevier.)
3 a state a mother is in when pregnant; pregnancy with multiples can often exponentially increase the state and severity of flux in emotions (i.e. 4 babies= 4x4x4x4 emotional lability)
(Becky's Quad Definition, 2nd pregnancy edition. 2012.)
OK, I know being Emotionally Labile is an actual psychological diagnosis that can be very serious, and I am also no math genius. However, this is the only thing that keeps on coming to my mind when I think of my present state of emotions!
I thankfully and excitedly welcome week 27, and had an awesome doctor's appointment yesterday (more on that to come). Babies and I are growing as we should, and often they make interesting swirls under my belly. However, I started off the week with a bad head cold that not only attacked my head and nose, but also my mood in a nasty way! I was already tired and sapped out of energy, but not being able to breathe and sleeping lousy and feeling like I had cotton in my head and ears for a week did me no good to myself or others.
I was an emotional mess. I'm talking crying for no reason (the type of ugly crying that you JUST HAVE TO CRY, but at the same time you honestly have no idea WHY you are crying as tears stream down and you snort & hiccup uncontrollably). I'm talking screaming for no reason: I sadly admit I was in the kitchen one night (alone, thankfully!) trying to find a specific utensil and not being able to, and literally shouting at the top of my lungs. And yes. I'm talking the type of emotional mess where everyone makes you angry (i.e. the kind of irritation/anger where even if a nun came over and offered me free cookies, I probably would have grouched at her for absolutely no reason). Not pretty. Not pretty at all. The kind of bad mood where I knew I needed some time in prayer and in the bible, and I wanted nothing of either. I was in a state of "Pass the remote and don't talk to me. I am moody and sick and pregnant with quadruplets". Ugh. Very ugly and in hindsight, borderline hilarious and yet so self focused it is ridiculous.
And then at the same time, I had a few friends visit as I started feeling better and I was on CLOUD NINE to get some great girlfriend gab time. I was chatting away like a bird and my husband remarked I was talking non-stop like a middle school girl. And yes, yes I was. And loving it.
And it continues! I grouched at my amazing hubby today (after a quiet time this morning, I sadly admit) because after cleaning the house and grocery shopping this afternoon, he had the gall to not get 2 items on the shopping list. Ham and lemonade. Really? Can't I be grateful as I should be for the hundred items he got right, and for cleaning, taking Jenna shopping with him, for taking the trash out, providing for us, saving the world, etc....?
And so I confess. I can call it what I want, but really what it boils down to is exactly what I am trying to teach my almost 4-year old: That no matter what the circumstances, I am in Charge of ME. And MY attitude. Ouch. Don't you hate that when you give others advice (especially your own child!) and realize you have that plank in your own eye? So I have lots to work on in me as I write this entry tonight.
One very justified high-emotion came yesterday after our latest doctor appointment. We had another ultrasound with a growth scan on all the babies. WONDERFUL NEWS! All babies looked great. Great heartbeats all in the 150's. Great fluids, all of them. Great cervix size still. And growth wise, good growth all around. Tyler, our Baby C, is the peanut but is now a pound and a half and the other 3 are just about 2 pounds each.
We will start going weekly now and the doctor said the best thing I have going for me is my positive attitude. To which I say a big HA! I am an emotional mess, but at the same time I serve an AMAZING GOD who, thanks to His grace, mercy, and definitely everyone's prayers, I have been strengthened by and am overall doing great. Not because of ME; but because of God in ME. All glory to Him. Because I cannot take any credit for it!! So thank you. I literally do feel prayers working in me. It is the most humbling experience to feel Christ working in me through others' prayers. Even when I am an undeserving grump. That's one of the most awesome things about Him!
Thank you, those of you who have been supporting us in your thoughts, prayers, and generosity. Even in my ups and downs, I know this is such a great privilege to experience. Even though I am apprehensive of what life will be like when the babies come, I know we have people supporting and praying for us and we have a faith that will carry us through. One quote I have on the computer right now is this:
"God doesn't give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given." Amen!
I'll finish with a cute picture of Jenna and I (she is so excited!) and a very large belly pic of me. Someone just said to me recently, "Imagine, you will remember the summer you were pregnant with quadruplets as the hottest summer on record!". Yes it is that! Don't remind me! ;-) Seems like it is blazing hot for everyone else, too, so stay cool out there!
Hugs,
Becky
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| Big sister Jenna always talks to the babies and is so excited to meet them! |
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| Becky at 27 weeks (looks like the XL maternity tank top I just bought is already creeping high! LOL!) |
Oh this was so me for about four days last week. Watch out world when a lady carrying quads gets emotional....no one is safe! You are so close to the all important week 28. You are doing great and I can't wait to see Jenna loving on her babies. Hoping you get some more girlfriend time this weekend. I truly believe it is the best medicine for us.
ReplyDeleteDon't sweat it, girl. Pregnancy is hard and pregnancy with quads is SO much harder. It's a big burden to bear—literally and figuratively—and you are doing great. There are going to be those kinds of days, no matter what you do, so it's best to just feel them and then move past them when it's over. My emotions really ran high in the final days, I cried and cried a lot and often wanted to just lay in my hospital bed with the blinds closed and no one bothering me. You are doing great and you are getting so close!!! So excited you're nearing that BIG 28 week mark, that's amazing!!! Keep at it, Becky, you've got this!
ReplyDeleteOh how I can relate! Last week was terrible for me. I felt so uncomfortable and was super grouchy. The good news is that 28 weeks was much better! Yay for you nearing that milestone :)
ReplyDeleteOh and the maternity clothes....I never imagined an xl maternity shirt would be too small. My mom had to getvsom Xxl ones for me! My xl ones creep up just like yours ;)