The Truth Is...

I visited my friend Shawna recently, a life-long friend who I have known since birth.  We grew up right across the street from each other and she just entered the realm of being a MoM (Mom-of-Multples) by adding twin boys to her family of 3.  I love catching up with her, and we could talk (with loud giggles, just like when we were young) for hours.  Literally.
Shawna mentioned to me that when reading my blog it looks like I have it all together.  Then I giggled loudly (and a little hysterically) because we were in the thick of talking about how chaotic life is, me with my 5 and Shawna with two 4 week old boys and a daughter not-quite 2!
The truth is my blog posts are slices of life, not a total picture of our life!  The truth is, I do the best I can but absolutely have so many moments throughout the day where I wish I would have reacted better or said things better or done things differently.  The truth is, well, here we go-

The Truth Is...

Life is crazy busy & my brain short-circuits all the time.  A dozen times a day I will start to do something with a purpose and then totally forget what I was doing.  I want to accomplish a million things and only accomplish minimal.  I still go day by day and when anyone asks me about something in my schedule later on in the week, I start to feel overwhelmed.  I don't know why.  Probably because I still take it day by day.  Hour by hour.  Sometimes, minute by minute.

The truth is, sometimes I LOSE it.  I admit:  I definitely have those not-so-good-mama moments.  Like when I yell at a child for wiggling and crying on the changing table when all I want to do is change their soiled diaper.  They act like I am tearing toenails off.  It should be an Olympic Sport and it gets old.  Yelling does not help, by the way.  They still fight the diaper change, but then cry bitterly on top of the Houdini wiggling.  And I feel frustrated with myself for yelling at a child, and worse, modeling it to Jenna (who then will yell at them later on and I really feel like the mom of the year then...).
Or, consider bath night: where you might find children one at a time being pulled out of the tub.  I am trying to lotion & wrestle a diaper on one, someone else is discovering the joy of toilet paper unraveling, Jenna is changing into a ballet outfit and coming in the bathroom every 2 seconds to see if anyone is ready to play, the others in the tub are getting cold and everyone is tired & cranky.  Perhaps everyone is screaming.  This can tend to render me weary and in several occasions I have to admit I reach my breaking point, and scream.  Loudly.  Not that I am proud of it, but it usually causes everyone to quiet immediately and look at me.  It's like pressing ctrl+alt+delete.  Sometimes they go back to their shenanigans, sometimes I do a 180º & break into a soothing song.  Either way, after I scream I feel stupid for loosing control but honestly it feels a little good, too, to get the frustration out.  Yup.  It's the truth.

The truth is, most days I do not look like the lady on the header of this blog, I look like this:

Crazed look in eyes, hair pulled back, not showered, no make-up on.  Yup.

 Or, when I actually shower, like this:

Hair pulled back, make-up on, still a slightly crazed look in eyes & surrounded by chaos!

The truth is, background music of children crying, screaming, whining and/or fighting is almost always on in our house.  I get so use to it that it doesn't even phase me.  When Andy or I hear a "THUMP" from the other room, we casually look in that direction while happily singing, "You're OK!  Uh, OH!" and carrying on our business unless it really looks serious.

Lauren is beside herself because Tanner grabbed the toy from her hands.  Happens ALL the time.

The truth is, Stuff Happens.  I try to have plans.  Keep control.  Menu plan.  But, this is life.  And the truth is, "stuff" always happens.  There is always the Ideal Plan A, then B, followed by Plans C-Z.  Like the other night.  I made a nice pork roast for dinner, grilled polenta, and sautéed zucchini & corn.  Sounds good, right?  As I pulled the pork out of the oven, the glass dish literally spontaneously shattered in my hands.  All over everything.  Thankfully Andy was home that night but we both looked at each other with a panicked look as 5 already seated & very hungry kids stared at us... so, as quick as I could, I microwaved four packs of Ramen Noodles while Andy haphazardly broke off chunks of lunch meat for them to nosh in the meantime.  I didn't even attempt a veggie, which usually is a BIG DEAL to me.  Canned fruit cocktail for dessert (the kind with heavy syrup) rounded out our healthy dinner.  Our wonderful meal got tossed in the trash with the bonus prize of a fun clean-up.  Whatever.  It happens.

At least they were very happy about a Ramen Noodle dinner.

The truth is, Andy & I still have moments where we can't believe we have quadruplets +1.  Some of the scenarios of our everyday life seems so ludicrous at times that all you can do is laugh and shake your head in disbelief that this is the new normal.  Like when I literally have a necklace of 3 or more crying, screaming, attention-hungry & teething kids and am home alone and need to finish dinner and someone else starts to cry and someone steps on my very full bladder and I smell a poopy or two that needs changing and my phone rings and something is burning in the oven and on no, someone's lip is bleeding.  Those kind of moments :).

The truth is, I am relying on truths learned from bible studies years ago and quick snippets of often selfish prayers to get me by.  And they do, because even when I am too busy for God, He never is too busy for me.  And He over & over & over again quickly supplies me with portions of patience, peace, or even (wonder of wonders) joy & contentment in my daily grind right when I think I will lose it.  God is ever so good, and He is ever so personal in his love....

This little book has daily words of encouragement in it that are short yet powerful.
I don't get to it every morning and I don't turn into a saint when I do,
but let me just say these pages speak words of encouragement to my parched soul.

The truth is, nap times are NEVER long enough.  I naively think I will somehow get to all my "to do's" during naps.  This has never happened and I am quite certain never will.  As I type, kids are boisterously calling from their room, telling me they are done with their nap.  And have been the last half hour.

Is it too much to ask them to sleep a solid 2-3 hour nap each day?!?
Apparently so. ;)

Oh, and another thing:
The truth is, I think molars & eye-teeth might be the death of us. 

The truth is, I would choose the chaotic moments of my life every single time versus not having them.  I am deeply aware that too many people encounter "normals" that are filled with sadness, grief, despair and/or choking depression.  Far too many of us face circumstances that are difficult, uncomfortable, and just plain not fair.  Life if hard, and it didn't take having quadruplets to know this.  All of us face trials.  If you suck air, chances are you have, currently are, or will soon experience them.
 
But-

The truth is, every day I have a choice.  I can choose to view my hectic, busy, crazy, noisy life as a joy or not.  And I choose Joy.  Because they are.  If I sound like Pollyanna, so be it.  However, the truth is that I know from experience if I focus on the stress, the negative, the inconveniences in life, the things that pull me away from ME, I very easily get discontented.  Which leads to feelings of self-pity.  Which leads me to feeling entitled to far more than I deserve.  Which leads me down a path.... that is focused all on ME ME ME.  And there is no room for others, especially my loving God & amazing family, when I am all about me.

The truth is, I started writing this blog over a month ago.  Which means I have been editing along the way, which means this post went something like this:  I typed complaint, complaint, vent, vent, complaint, vent and complaint.  Then in more serene, pensive and quiet moments, I would delete some paragraphs & write silver lining stuff.

The truth is, I do NOT have it all together.  Far from it.  I complain more often than I should and I need to hear the words of truth & hope I penned at the end of this post just as much, if not more, than anyone else.  Complaining comes very naturally to me, as does self-pity, discontentment, and feelings of inadequacy.   I am working on it.  That's the truth.

Hugs,

Becky