A few days ago I realized with a shock that it was exactly a year ago- January 26, 2012- that I had the awesome experience of seeing a "YES" on a pregnancy test.
To understand the awesomeness of this, you need to understand the difficulty a woman (or couple) faces whenever they try, month after month, to get a positive test and never receive it. By now it's old news that we had a very difficult time getting pregnant. Many of you reading this may have experienced the same struggle or are currently waiting for that elusive positive. It is hard. I have friends right now who are struggling with infertility (why do I still cringe at that word?) and my heart breaks for them.
For us, a year ago we had decided this was our last try using fertility help. We needed fertility help with Jenna. In the fall of 2010, we "naturally" conceived and I was over the moon, but soon after I miscarried. We went back to the fertility clinic early fall 2011. I remember the doctor asked me if I had tried the over-the-counter ovulation tests. "Yes," I sighed, "They don't work at all." To this, he raised an eyebrow and cautiously replied, "Well, they work great if you ovulate..." Ouch. The truth hurts! We had given it several months, but the financial costs, emotional, and physical toll it took on my body (I was a hormonal nightmare-- just ask Andy) was very difficult. We were looking into adoption and trusting God to lead us one way or the other. We were very at peace with this being our "last try".
We did an IUI (inter-uterine-insemination) and used injectable hormones, but after the procedure and the l-o-n-g 2 weeks following, I did not feel pregnant. I just knew it would be yet another negative. I even remember visiting a friend the day before I was to take said test, and telling her everything & through tears admitting, "I know I am not pregnant. I guess I am just mourning the loss of knowing this (sob, sob, sob)".
I have spent oodles of money on tons of pregnancy tests over the years. After a few years I wised up and bought the tests at the dollar store. But this time, knowing it would be our last, I didn't want any unclear lines or squinting to see "...is that a line???" which TORMENT the soul. I bought the kind that simply said either "YES" or "NO". We were actually leaving for a water-park vacation with my family that day so I needed to pack. I took the test, and had the biggest knot in my stomach for the heartache I knew was to come. I busied myself-- 1, 2, 3 minutes... then with dread I looked down at that digital screen.
It said YES.
I tell you what, to have been blessed with just one child would have been monumental. The fact that I had quadruplets was the reason I started this blog and the reason why you are reading this, because I probably would have never shared my story otherwise. At that time I had (& still do) a 3x5 index card on my mirror. It now looks tie-dyed because it has fallen into my wet sink a hundred times, but I love the truth of what it says. In my scrawl it simply reads,
"Becky: Trust me. I know what I am doing. -God
Jeremiah 29:11 & Proverbs 3: 5-6."
For God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your path straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I have no idea what else He has in store for me or for you. But I do know God can be trusted. He does know what He is doing!
And... brace yourself. He likes to throw curve-balls ;-)