Shawna mentioned to me that when reading my blog it looks like I have it all together. Then I giggled loudly (and a little hysterically) because we were in the thick of talking about how chaotic life is, me with my 5 and Shawna with two 4 week old boys and a daughter not-quite 2!
The truth is my blog posts are slices of life, not a total picture of our life! The truth is, I do the best I can but absolutely have so many moments throughout the day where I wish I would have reacted better or said things better or done things differently. The truth is, well, here we go-
The Truth Is...
Life is crazy busy & my brain short-circuits all the time. A dozen times a day I will start to do something with a purpose and then totally forget what I was doing. I want to accomplish a million things and only accomplish minimal. I still go day by day and when anyone asks me about something in my schedule later on in the week, I start to feel overwhelmed. I don't know why. Probably because I still take it day by day. Hour by hour. Sometimes, minute by minute.
Or, consider bath night: where you might find children one at a time being pulled out of the tub. I am trying to lotion & wrestle a diaper on one, someone else is discovering the joy of toilet paper unraveling, Jenna is changing into a ballet outfit and coming in the bathroom every 2 seconds to see if anyone is ready to play, the others in the tub are getting cold and everyone is tired & cranky. Perhaps everyone is screaming. This can tend to render me weary and in several occasions I have to admit I reach my breaking point, and scream. Loudly. Not that I am proud of it, but it usually causes everyone to quiet immediately and look at me. It's like pressing ctrl+alt+delete. Sometimes they go back to their shenanigans, sometimes I do a 180º & break into a soothing song. Either way, after I scream I feel stupid for loosing control but honestly it feels a little good, too, to get the frustration out. Yup. It's the truth.
The truth is, most days I do not look like the lady on the header of this blog, I look like this:
|Crazed look in eyes, hair pulled back, not showered, no make-up on. Yup.|
|Hair pulled back, make-up on, still a slightly crazed look in eyes & surrounded by chaos!|
|Lauren is beside herself because Tanner grabbed the toy from her hands. Happens ALL the time.|
|At least they were very happy about a Ramen Noodle dinner.|
The truth is, Andy & I still have moments where we can't believe we have quadruplets +1. Some of the scenarios of our everyday life seems so ludicrous at times that all you can do is laugh and shake your head in disbelief that this is the new normal. Like when I literally have a necklace of 3 or more crying, screaming, attention-hungry & teething kids and am home alone and need to finish dinner and someone else starts to cry and someone steps on my very full bladder and I smell a poopy or two that needs changing and my phone rings and something is burning in the oven and on no, someone's lip is bleeding. Those kind of moments :).
|This little book has daily words of encouragement in it that are short yet powerful. |
I don't get to it every morning and I don't turn into a saint when I do,
but let me just say these pages speak words of encouragement to my parched soul.
Is it too much to ask them to sleep a solid 2-3 hour nap each day?!?
Apparently so. ;)
Oh, and another thing:
The truth is, I think molars & eye-teeth might be the death of us.
The truth is, every day I have a choice. I can choose to view my hectic, busy, crazy, noisy life as a joy or not. And I choose Joy. Because they are. If I sound like Pollyanna, so be it. However, the truth is that I know from experience if I focus on the stress, the negative, the inconveniences in life, the things that pull me away from ME, I very easily get discontented. Which leads to feelings of self-pity. Which leads me to feeling entitled to far more than I deserve. Which leads me down a path.... that is focused all on ME ME ME. And there is no room for others, especially my loving God & amazing family, when I am all about me.
The truth is, I started writing this blog over a month ago. Which means I have been editing along the way, which means this post went something like this: I typed complaint, complaint, vent, vent, complaint, vent and complaint. Then in more serene, pensive and quiet moments, I would delete some paragraphs & write silver lining stuff.
The truth is, I do NOT have it all together. Far from it. I complain more often than I should and I need to hear the words of truth & hope I penned at the end of this post just as much, if not more, than anyone else. Complaining comes very naturally to me, as does self-pity, discontentment, and feelings of inadequacy. I am working on it. That's the truth.